my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
