Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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