we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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