Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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