dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
