I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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