i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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