im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
