mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
50% drunk capacity currently
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
