did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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