Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just pee around me
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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