for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
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Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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