Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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