If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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