Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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