Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
