Pants 0. Shit 1.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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