this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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