: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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