"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
