So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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