i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
