woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
