probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
