You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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