there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
