He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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