didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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