So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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