Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
