that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
