We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
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Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
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The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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