and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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