I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
