haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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