She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
