he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
