Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize