I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This is classic penis vs brain.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
