Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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