where does the pee come out of this thing
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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