So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
