If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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