I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
