Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
