uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
