I hate all girls vehemently.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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