how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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