Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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