Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
