this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
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