I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
