Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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