Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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