Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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