Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
