So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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