Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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