He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
