yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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