We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
