me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
