oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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