Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
