i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
