I met the friendliest cop last night
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Ladies don't puke and tell
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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