One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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