im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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