Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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