If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
