He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The beers last night were like the tears from god
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
