i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
