You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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