yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
