Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
