i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
