before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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