Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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