Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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