i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
