she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
