All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
