goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
