At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
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