you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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